The Spin Doctor Is: "IN"

Have you ever noticed that other people get away with stuff while you get punished for anything bad you do? Have you ever noticed that when you are late to work and you try to tell your boss the really good excuse you have made up, he still yells at you anyway and doesn't listen to your lame excuse? At the same time the well-endowed, blonde secretary who takes notes for him at the convention in Las Vegas gets to come in late all the time.

Are you tired of feeling like a pitiful, pathetic loser?

Freaknoid is here to help you. The Spin Doctor is "in".

Freaknoid will be happy to help any of your sorry, disgusting little lives if you will email him with you problem or dilemma. He will help with advice that will astonish and amaze you.

Let's learn from some examples taken from situations that have been in recent headlines and show how things that are going badly for someone can be turned to a "plus" for the person involved.

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson is in court fighting to keep himself out of prison for sexual abuse of little boys.

Here is Freaknoid's sure fire answer for how all this could have been avoided if Mr. Jackson had consulted Freaknoid.

Press Release

The Michael Jackson Clinic at Neverland Ranch.

Many men get testicular cancer disease. It is a terrible disease that can rob a man of his prized family jewels, cause death or, in very rare cases help you win the Tour du France. This terrible disease can occur in younger men and even young adolescence. In response to the alarming rise in the incidence of this disease Michael Jackson is opening an early detection clinic.

"I will take a personal role in examining patients because of my deep caring for the issues at stake here" said Mr. Jackson who is best known for his musical video where he appears as a freak of nature and sings the hit song "Thriller".

"You can't be too safe and even young boys, maybe especially young boys, should be examined early and often", said Jacko.

End

Philip Schuth

Philip recently made headlines by putting his mom in a freezer. Had this happened in California, it probably would not have been news because we have come to expect odd behavior from those on the left coast which is still technically a part of the United States. But we digress.

In a prime example of media biased, which no one was able to correct on behalf of Mr. Schuth, the press reported that Mr. Schuth's mother walked him to school every day while he was in high school - like that was odd. These same folks who will defend Boy Man Love Associations will make fun of two people walking to school.

They made issue of his buying $150 worth of Spam at one grocery store outing. So? But no one asks why there are no stray cats around the Chinese restaurants.

Here is how Freaknoid would help Philip…

Press Release

Man Freezes Mom in Hopes of Cure for Her Disease

Philip Schuth who is to appear on a top rated morning news show yesterday, explained or will explain that his mom had requested that in the event of her death she be frozen so that if a cure for her disease was found she could be resuscitated and cured.

"Yes", Mr. Schuth said or will say, "I think that the Terry Shievo case showed us how important it is to honor the wishes of someone who can not speak for themselves. In the case of my mom she could not speak because she was dead. But she told me before she died of a Spam overdose that she wanted to be frozen and I was duty bound to follow those wishes".

In those final days everyone must agree that Mr. Schuth was her sole and legal guardian and that he was duty bound to follow his mother's wishes. By "everyone" we mean the two people we paid and then interviewed.

Rumors in the community that Mrs. Schuth was enamored with the Schwan Foods delivery man before and after her death are overstated. "No, mom wasn't in the truck with the frozen foods after she was dead and I am sure it won't happen again", said Philip.

End

So send in your emails with all those prickly and tickly situations that befuddle and confound you. Freaknoid will make lemons out of lemonade.