See Alice,
"Erections Lasting More than Four Hours"

Have you heard those commercials advertising sexual aids for older men? Aren't they simply crude, and discussing - of even disgusting? Freaknoid thinks that they are great but could be made better if actual, old naked people could be seen, struggling to do the horizontal mambo. Whipped cream or vegetable oil could enhance the setting, but so far no New York ad agency has contacted Freaknoid for his brilliant insights into these subjects.

Pic of normal mambo, if anything about a mambo can be described as normal.

These commercials have two kinds of disclaimers. The first kind is the same as with all pharmaceutical ads and they go something like,,, "this product may cause hives, shortness of breath, diarrhea, constipation, liver problems, blindness, hair loss, skin cancer, loss of appetite, hemorrhoids, dizziness, gout, bleeding tumors, amnesia, and in rare cases ingrown toe nails." Don't you want to run out and buy these products?

The other disclaimer that exists only in these sexual enhancement product ads which is really not a disclaimer at all. Instead it is to tempt the man by tapping into one of his deepest desires… the four-hour boner. This disclaimer says something like "erections lasting more than four hours require immediate medical attention".

Yeah right. What man can resist the idea of a boner lasting four hours? If a man had one of those he wouldn't be driving to the hospital for "immediate medical attention" (and what is "immediate about something that takes place over four hours) but he might want to show it off to the nurses. Most men would be on the phone calling their friends, taking pictures for the Internet, having people over, getting one of those plaster of paris castings made for a keepsake fireplace mounting.

Disclaimer, follow instructions below carefully, and at your own risk. Side effects might include, temporary blindness, loss of appetite, constipation, diarrhea, and in rare cases the urge to "vote libertarian".

Freaknoid has never had the need for these sexual enhancement drugs, because he is a manly man, on the man-o-meter he reads 110%. He exudes manly manness. His manly hormones run out of the hormonal cup of hormones. However, Freaknoid has never been able to maintain an erection for four hours. Freaknoid assumes this is four consecutive hours, not a sum of minutes which add to hours over a period of - lets say - a month. Because if it were this latter case then he could approach maybe 22 minutes, which is not a good start.

This has become a goal, no more than a goal a quest, a search for meaning in life. The attempt to reach a higher level of consciousness. The struggle to attain nirvana or some other mystical state of pure happiness and meaning, which can surely only be achieved with a four hour boner.

In pursuit of this goal, Freaknoid has begun to take these pills. He started with them once a day and is working his way up from there, in search of the "four hour boner". After trying for days Freaknoid believes it is like the lottery, you just have to keep trying and hope you hit it. He is now up to a pill with every meal, and has been banned again from Benny Johnson's School of Barnyard Oddities and School of Massage Therapy, for illicit encounters with the sheep.