Retirement Planning

Would you like to retire whenever you like? Would you like to be free of the burden of thinking about how much money you will need in retirement? We can help you here today, with our simple retirement plan.

With our plan you can retire at almost any time you choose. Even better news is that you don't have to be a "certain age" and mess with those pesky issues of Social Security and Medicare, unless you just want to. Retire whenever YOU want. And our plan is easy.

The basics of retirement are that you have a certain amount of money saved up and a certain time that you are expected to live. You don't want to run out of money and worry about how "to make ends meet". Normally the time you have left to live can be determined by charts and tables that take into consideration how much fun you had while you were alive. If you had a great deal of fun, then your time left here on earth is going to be short. If you ate right, didn't drink a lot, went to bed early and basically had a boring life you will be around for a while. These tables consider all of that.

The real issues are not retirement planning, but death planning. If you plan your death so that you die about 10 hours after you run out of money, then "it is all good". You simply need to figure out how much money you have, how much it will take per day or week to survive and then plan to have yourself killed shortly after the money runs out.

For a small fee we will hire our cousin Vinnie who will make this problem go away. You will sign up to our program telling us when you want our services and we will "do the rest". We promise it will be swift and semi-painless. You will be stepping off the curb and never see the rented Lincoln. Or you will be out gardening and never hear Vinnie sneaking up with that brick in his hand.

Don't worry it can all be taken care of.