Radio Wave Poisoning

We (we meaning me and others) recently made a trip to Chicago. It is close to where we now live and it has much to offer. Like people who don’t wipe their nose on their sleeves, and restaurants that don’t have their hamburgers sitting under heat lamps until you come along and order one. Yes, there is a lot of culture in Chicago.

And they have tall buildings. Where I live the tallest building is downtown. They are two stories tall, but the upper stories don’t have anything in them and some of the first stories don’t have anything in them either.

While we are in Chicago we go shopping. On the last trip we (we meaning me) found an enterprising young person who was selling watches out of the trunk of his car in an alley. He could sell them cheap because he was avoiding the high overhead of a building and the costs of paying clerks and such. He was “passing the savings” on to us. These were real designer watches that cost hundreds and hundreds in other places, but he was selling them for around 30 – 50 dollars.

He called himself an entrepreneur. This must be some disease that he is recovering from. We didn’t want to pry and ask about it.

Along with selling watches he had some business opportunities that he said he could “turn us onto”. (He talked really well, especially for someone who was recovering from a disease). These business opportunities had to do with “rights” and “franchises” and were legal. These franchisees allow you to sell in your limited geography, certain products. Once these rights are granted no one else can come into your turf and sell and compete with you. The market is “wide open” and protected.

We purchased a highly valuable franchise and we have the legal document hidden in an undisclosed location along with our stash of “The Amazon Women of Switzerland”. We will soon be launching our metal hat business here on the Internet (sales are limited only to the upper half of Indiana), assuming the Internet is still going for the next few weeks. This will allow you, the general pubic, to buy this healthy alternative to walking around without protection for your head.

The guy selling the watches explained that scientists continue to find that the human brain is a complex electrical mechanism. The synapses in your head are like tiny spark plugs that fire electrical signals. This is a well known scientific fact, which everyone knows. Well maybe you didn’t know it, but everyone else knows it which is why we can say it is “well known”. As you sit at home and watch broadcast TV. The same signal that is going into your television is passing through your body and affecting your brain. The effect is only very slight and you likely don’t notice it. But there are hundreds of channels of satellite TV being beamed at your neighbors TV. Your neighbor who never invites you over to watch football has that NFL package that was created by some SOB which prohibits you from seeing some games because only the NFL satellite gets it… but we digress. There are hundreds and hundreds of TV signals going into your body. There are also about a hundred GPS companies broadcasting signals to people who get lost a lot. There are radio stations broadcasting signals into your body these are both broadcast and satellite radio waves. And there are the many miscellaneous signals from “Wi Fi” in your house, garage door openers that your neighbors set off without any notice being given to you, TV remote controls that appear innocent enough, just to mention a few. All of these electrical waves are having an effect on your brain.

Your body could tolerate any one of these signals, but all of them added together and compounded result in harm to your brain.

This is why you feel “funny” sometimes. (Funny as in strange, not funny as in you laugh all the time. Maybe you do laugh all the time, but that is not what we are talking about here.)

The guy selling the watches said this is why when you stand up real quickly after laying on the couch eating potato chips and watching TV you sometimes feel faint. (I always wondered what caused that.)

The guy selling watches explained that when you eat ice cream really fast it interferes with the electronic waves from the air and it can make your head hurt. (I always wondered what caused that.)

And he explained this is why people have so many headaches. (My wife has a lot of headaches ridge at bed time and now I know what causes that.)

Apparently sometimes when we have what we think is the flue it is really “Radio Wave Poisoning”.

I asked if that is why when you see a good looking sheep in the field next to your house and you get this strange warm sensation all over… is that is caused by these radio waves? He said “no”. (I still am wondering what causes this, and why there are so many ugly sheep out in the field and only a few good looking ones.)

Our metal hats will protect your brain by blocking out all of these electrical signals and allow your brain to function as God intended. It also develops you neck muscles.

Please do not email us asking us to give you preferential treatment. We are sure you will want a metal hat immediately if not sooner. Please be patient.