The One TV Limit

The people where we (by we I mean me) live are not normal. They are all not normal. I alone am the only normal personage. Even the dogs are now effected (or affected, whicheveroneitis) and acting not normal.

As you know, we have already had to make rules regarding the use of the ice maker. Now in a recent act of tough love, we (we meaning me) have had to "put our foot down" regarding the use of TVs.

Where we live we never get rid of a TV. How can you get rid of a TV? You look at them for years and years and they give you so much joy and happiness, how do you then divorce yourself from them? So we now have more TV’s than people in the house, especially since the "smart one" deserted us for a "higher education" at college.

When we (we meaning me) get home from work, which often times means coming up from the basement, there are four TV's on and often just one person at home... "Can you please tell me why there is a TV on in the bed room but you are in the family room eating potato chips and drinking beer?"

"Yes, I was in there a while ago, and I was planning on going back, but then I didn't." "So why is there also a TV on in the 'computer room'?" "I dunno, someone else turned it on. It has been on all day. Maybe it has been on since yesterday. I dunno."

See what we have to live with? Is it any wonder why we are not typing in the first person?

So the new rule is that everyone has to be responsible for turning off any TV that they turn on. Of course, these non normal people found a loop hole immediately in this rule. They waited until it was the Chargers beating the Colts in the playoffs and then they turn off the TV and start to leave the room.

"What the hell was that?!!!!???!!!"

"I turned on the TV, and now I am leaving the room, so I am turning off the TV. Just like YOUR rule says."

Dastardly villains. This is how and why lethal injections are necessary.

So now there is a "main rule" with "exceptions" which allow you to leave the room and not turn off the TV if you were the one who turned it on to begin with. Those exceptions are:

- Someone else is in the room when you leave who verbally agrees to turn off the TV when they leave the room.

- You are going to go into the kitchen and get a beer / soda / chips and will be right back.

- There were animals on TV and one of the dogs was watching.

- You are in one room, but listening to the TV in the other room. This is especially important if the "news" is on.

-You had to go to the bathroom and will be right back as soon as you finish "your business".

- You have to go give toilet paper to someone in the bathroom who forgot to look when they sat down and there is none and now they need some.

- The house is on fire.

- Earthquakes.

- The monster from "Cloverfield" is coming down the street.(This inculdes the littler monsters that you can kill.)

So since these new rules are in place things have changed...

"Can you please tell me why you are in the 'computer room' playing video game, with the TV on while in the 'family room' the other TV is on?" "I was in there watching TV, and then mom came in and she agreed to turn it off so I could come in here and play this game. But then she had to go to the bathroom, which 'kicked in' the going to the bathroom exception. But she forgot to look and sat down without seeing there was any toilet paper which invoked the "toilet paper" rule. This of course set into motion conflicting rules which we were unable to resolve."

Chaos rules.