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From our
News Archive
Yankinurchane,
Poland - Worst
Air Disaster in Polish History - A two seat Cessna has crashed
on a hillside cemetery. At least 800 dead as rescue workers
continue to dig and find more bodies
Arkansas, USA
- Reacting to pressure from federal officials regarding genetic
defects, The State Health Department insist chlorine will
be used in the gene pool.
Bethesda,
Md, USA
- Scientist discover research is the leading cause of cancer
in rats.
Indiana - The State Legislature recently passed
a bill that will allow Indiana to join much of the rest of
the country in Daylight Savings Time.
"It was a tough decision" said Avery
Sickybottom a legislative spokesperson. "The arguments
made by the recreational industry that there would be more
daylight for golfing and fishing were powerful. But what put
it over the top was the argument from the agricultural community
that the extra hour of sun for the crops is necessary for
Indiana to remain competitive."
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April
2005
This
is a picture of Tori Ann Woods, who is accused of having sex
with miners. What is the big uproar? Why is this on the news?
Miners
spend a lot of time underground and in bad lighting. Apparently
it hurts their vision but last time we checked bad vision
was not a crime.
And
the fact that she is a teacher has nothing to do with anything.
Now is she was having sex with her stoodents then we would
have something to talk about.
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April
2005
Pope
dies
The
Catholic community, overcome with grief is not thinking
clearly as they seriously contemplate a bird as the next
Pope. They say it over and over on CNN that a cardinal will
be the next Pope. Our news staff thinks that once they get
over the shock of the current Pope's passing then they may
rethink this.
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April
2005
Wendy's
Test Market of Finger Foods Fails
In
a bold move to pull ahead in the fast food market Wendy's
tests markets finger foods.
Our
University food scientest Edgar Frankin said, "As leaders
in fast food inovation with such innovations as "Squirrel
on a Stick" and "Wild Cherry Prozack Cola",
(click here for details) we were
dissapointed we had not thought of it first. But apparently
the general pubic was not ready for it yet. Sometimes
they were served kinda like fries (see picture left) and sometimes
like crackers in chili."
"We
all thought of 'finger food' as a term for smaller sandwiches.
Wendy was playing upon thet terminology to launch fingers
as food, but it just didn't work out", said Mr. Frankin.
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March 2005
Italy
- Pope released from hospital.
It
was obvious that the pope was in trouble after we saw his
cat scan from his most recent hospital stay.
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March
2005
Quailty
of Life Issues Raised
Open
mouth breathing, drool down the chin, sure it is unpleasant
to see, but that is no reason to kill someone. Freaknoid
should be allowed to live. Yes in the easy chair he
sometimes falls asleep under the influence of a six
pack and he snores with his mouth open, potato chip
crumbs on his sweat pants and yes the term "a
vegetative state" has been used about Freaknoid, even
when he is awake... and at work.
Freaknoid's
current "significant other" thinks Freaknoid
does not have a high quality of life, but who is she
to say. Maybe Freaknoid enjoys it?
In
any event, if they can end Terri Schiavo based upon
"quality of life" issues, many of us are
in big trouble.
Also
see, living wills, click
here.
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