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News
News
you won't get from anywhere else, from
seimi-professionals not taking their medication.
Also
see - news archives
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US
Army officials confirm that they can not keep
Saddam in his clothes. "He refuses to
wear his pants. He says that his pants are
having an undesired effect on his private
parts." said U.S. Army spokes person
Twila Ticklesnatch.
"He
is under the impression they are used clothes
and the translation of the idiom he keeps
using is something like they restrict 'the
angle of his dangle'", said Ticklesnatch.
The
unauthorized picture of Saddam examining his
pants for "roominess" and "skid
marks" has angered many.
"We
refuse to let him dress in a corset, blouse
and dress. We had a sketch artist draw it
for him so he could see how silly it looked,
but he fell in love with the look and now
won't wear normal clothes. He said it looked
very French Provincial and that it would allow
his privates to 'roam free', which is again
a loose translation", continued Ticklesnatch.
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Indiana
The State Legislature recently passed a bill
that will allow Indiana to join much of the
rest of the country in Daylight Savings Time.
"It was a tough decision" said
Avery Sickybottom a legislative spokesperson.
"The arguments made by the recreational
industry that there would be more daylight
for golfing and fishing were powerful. But
what put it over the top was the argument
from the agricultural community that the extra
hour of sun for the crops is necessary for
Indiana to remain competitive."
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!!!
Michael Jackson Framed !!!
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Jury
pool tainted.
Mike
can not get a fair trial. The law says you
have to have a jury made up of your peers.
Here is our selection of jury members with
alternates.
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| Yankinurchane,
Poland - Worst
Air Disaster in Polish History - A two seat Cessna has
crashed on a hillside cemetery. At least 800 dead as
rescue workers continue to dig and find more bodies |
Arkansas, USA
- Reacting to pressure from federal officials regarding
genetic defects; The State Health Department insist
chlorine will be used in the gene pool. |
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Bethesda,
Md, USA
- Scientist discover research is the leading cause
of cancer in rats.
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New
York, NY - Researchers Find Men's Wear Causes
Brain Dysfunction.
Researchers
are urging men to loosen their ties, "There is a
growing body of evidence that men's ties, tied too
tightly can cut off blood circulation to the brain,
causing dementia, illusions of grandeur and other
psychotic behavior" said one of the researchers
we talked to, but failed to get his name written
on our note book.
Apparently
some who have worn ties too long may never recover.
Researchers gave us the picture (left) of some guy
they have been studying, as an example of the unfortunate
disease
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| At
first we thought this was a picture of John Kerry giving
us the finger, but we were wrong, as usual. No instead
it is a picture of John Kerry picking his nose. This
isn't newsworthy, but really what on this page is. |
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