Fax
Communication
Benny
Johnson’s Museum of Barnyard Oddities and School of Massage
Therapy
To: Freaknoid
From Benny
Johnson
Dear Freaknoid:
As you
know our Massage Therapy School strives to help those unfortunate
souls who may need Massage Therapy to recover from car accidents,
sports injuries or bedroom trapeze accidents. Our graduating students
are called upon to show their progress by working on actual, living
people, and not those inflatable rubber dolls the beginning students
must work with, often in the lonely evening hours, in the privacy
of their own homes or apartments.
Most of
the students have asked me to write you to ask you not to return
as one of our patients. They find your behavior unacceptable for
a school of such high standing and fine reputation as Benny Johnson’s
Museum of Barnyard Oddities and School of Massage Therapy. It
has been reported that you will often come in and ask for "a
massage" (we have told you repeated it is "therapy"),
insist upon a female student then roll onto your back on the table
and say "do me".
Unfortunately
now only Helga wants to be involved in your therapy and she will
not be without her "Nazi Costume" when she works with
our clients.
We have
found your therapy to be disruptive to the entire school. It certainly
pains us to turn away a patient who has suffered a trampoline-related
injury while involved in a close encounter with a spouse. We must
ask you not to return and for either you or Senator Kennedy to
please bring back the inflatable patient you borrowed last week.
You may,
of course, still visit the museum. It now seems safe since you
have discovered the sheep are not real.
Very truly
yours,
Benny
