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The Hot Tub

The people where we live are not normal. (By we, we mean me.) If you came over you would have to agree they are not normal. The only semi-normal one went away to college. The longer he is away the more normal he becomes in our retrospective memory. If he were actually here we (we meaning me) would realize he is really not normal at all.

If you came over for a drink these people could fool you for a while, but if you had to be around them for very long you would agree with us that they are non normal.

We purchased a house that has a hot tub. It is ancient. It belongs in the hot tub museum. It was maybe the first hot tub ever made. Hot tubs were invented by a guy who farted a lot in the water and then he got an idea... this is a known fact. Okay, maybe you didn't know it but everyone else knows it, which is why we can accurately say it is a "known fact".

Once this guy invented the hot tub, he had another idea. This idea was that if you sell a hot tub it is a sale that takes place once and is over, whereas (whereas is a good word, we really like this word) if you sell chemicals to take that farty smell out of the water you can have sales until the end of time, as we know it. So when we moved into the house we (we meaning me) filled it with water. And then we (meaning me) got into the hot tub.

There was a big hubbub. (Hubbub is an actual word. We also like the word "hubbub" and the word "boob".) You apparently can't get into a hot tub until the chemicals are put in. These chemicals have evolved since the first hot tub was invented by farts and now these chemicals, lower Ph, raise the Ph you just lowered, "shock" whatever the hell that is, adds chlorine, clears the water, and a host of other stuff.

So when we got in the entire non-normal household was standing around the perimeter of the hot tub saying non-approving things, along the lines of... we don't have the chemicals in there yet so you should not be in there because...

• we will all have to get in there after you
• it will eat you skin off
• it is not sanitary yet
• it has not been de-fart smelled yet
• the water has not been "shocked"
• you are suppose to have on underwear or a swim suit

So I asked them, did you all take a shower today. Of course they all had to answer they did except for the "smart one" who went away to college who never takes a shower... ever. And then I pointed out to them that this is the exact same water that they bathed with this morning so it should be okay for the hot tub.

They were not convince and they purchased loads of chemicals and little testing strips that tell us if we have to add more of which chemical. None of us really understands what to do, so it is more or less just random addition of stuff.

It may eat our skin off.