Going Number Two

There is a large and growing body of evidence that the youth of America are "screwed up". You could point to any number of facts to support this argument and we would be happy to do that if it weren't for the fact that this would require work. We ("we" in this case meaning "me") are not against work in theory, but it doesn't work out for us too well "in practice". Plus facts are subject to interpretation, especially if you are in politics or a lawyer.

The youth in American are confused at an early age because they don't know what to call the bodily functions that are very natural and we should all feel free to talk about openly and honestly, yet many uneducated and unsophisticated people have difficult in discussing. We are of course talking about "going number 1" and "going number 2". These terms are of course the open, honest, straight forward terms that should be used by any thinking person when raising their children or when dealing with employees.

There is nothing worse than being in a Booger King and hearing some young, uneducated child in the next booth say out loud, "Mommy I have to go pee". How gouch! (We thing Gouch is a French term, but we are not sure and we don't want to have to look it up.) This child should of course said "Mommy I need to go number 1".

When the Freakster was a child he had a teacher in one class who didn't want to even hear that you had to go to the restroom. You just raised your had and displayed either one or two fingers. I never figured out why she needed to know which of the two most common bodily functions you were about to engage in, unless she had some conception that "number 2" should or does take longer than "number 1" and she would know if you were out "screwing off".

Some families invent their own terminology for these functions. This is where children get confused and why we have so many teen pregnancies. (Since we threw out facts, we can now say about anything we want.) The Freakster knows a person, who shall remain nameless because she would hit him in the arm really hard if he gave away her identity, whose family made her and her sister say, I have to "tinkle soft" or "tinkle hard". Wierdos. Freaks.

So lets all agree that we will refer to these functions as "number 1" and "number 2". Maybe we should make it a law. The legislative branch doesn't seem to have anything more worthwhile to do.