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Elevator Farts

Freaknoid once had a job. This job took him from time to time to a large building where people wore suits and ties and rode up and down on elevators. They probably did other things there as well because to best of Freaknoid's knowledge wearing suits and ties and riding up and down on elevators does not pay well, unless it is a government job.

One day Freaknoid gets on the elevator to go to the 30th story. Many people got on the elevator with Freaknoid. As soon as the doors to elevator closed, Freaknoid had the urge to "pass gas". It was more than an urge it was a force of nature, a tsunami waiting to be unleashed. Freaknoid fought and fought to hold it in. He was sure he was going to rupture some vital, internal organ if he did not let the gas out of his body. The pain was intense and he started to bend a little at the waist. However he did not want to cause unbearable suffering to those in the elevator with him by gassing them, perhaps to their deaths. Just when it seemed he would either have to rupture a vital internal organ and die or pass gas, the elevator door opened and all the people got out on the 12th floor.

Freaknoid was proud that he held it in and had not gassed the people to their deaths and he was relieved he could "let it go". He felt extremely better. Freaknoid avoided rupturing vital organs and was relieved that he was going to live. Okay so it smelled a little, but for some reason Freaknoid did not think / does not think that his gas smells all that bad, especially compared to that of other people. However he has not found anyone who agrees with this assessment of his gaseous expellations (this is a term Freaknoid just made up and the spell checker does not like it at all.)

… and now back to our story…

Then the elevator stopped on the 15th floor and about 20 people crowded onto the elevator. This was of course an unforeseen event.

All these poor souls got sick. They pulled handkerchiefs from their pockets or pulled their coats over their faces or futility waived their hands in front of their faces. Everyone got off on the 16th floor although they all wanted to go to other floors.

This story should end with a moral… you know like when they say at the end of the story… the moral of this story is… and then they give you some "learning point" so that you can live a better life from having heard the story and you have something to apply to your life in the future and will live a better life. Unfortunately for you there is no moral to this story and now that you have read it your life will be as miserable and meaningless as it was before.

Okay if you must have a moral, the moral to the story is, if you are on an elevator and you either need to fart, or rupture a vital organ and die, you should likely rupture the organ and die… in which case stories with morals won't mean anything to you because you will be dead.