Cell Phones and Bathrooms

Cell phones have changed the way we go to the bathroom. We ("we" meaning me) are worried about dropping our cell phone into the toilet when we go to the bathroom. If you have ever dropped anything into the toilet you know that there is no fun in fishing it out. Especially if there are other fishes swimming in the water. You want to be sure and snag the right little fishy.

After you get whatever it was out of the "water", if you have any choice you never use the thing again. If it is a comb, you throw it away. If it is a wallet you throw it away. If you drop a cell phone in, there is also the complication that it is electrical and normally electrical things don't like water and the other fishes in the sea in which it was swimming.

Your cell phone hangs on your belt and when you go to the bathroom you have to loosen your belt and so your cell phone is in dire jeopardy of taking a swim. There are some bathrooms where there is no place to put your phone. In addition to the fear of it falling into the water there is the possibility of leaving it in the crapper.

We have found the best place to put it is in that area between your pant legs when your pants are pulled down around your ankles. It is like a built in table. You won’t forget your phone because when you pull up your pants you will neuter yourself. The fear of neutering yourself is a powerful reminder that your cell phone and its associated gigantic holder is there balanced on your shorts.

The other thing that cell phones have done about the bathroom experience is that they have given you something to do while you are sitting there with time that would otherwise be totally wasted. Our (“our” meaning my) phone has a really great game that is like the early “pong” but much updated and very entertaining. I used to be able to go to the bathroom in about 5 minutes. The better I get at playing this game the longer it is now taking.

Recently, when I had “finished my business” I had been playing my game and therefore had the cell phone in my hand. I pulled up my pants and neutered myself because I forgot that the plastic holder was still sitting on that natural table built by my pants around my ankles.