Canned Heat in Macon County Jail

Freaknoid in a rare stroke of genius (rare for most people but not for Freaknoid) has approached the federal government and volunteered to do hard prison time.

Freaknoid went out and talked to the people in the black van parked outside his house that he knows contains federal agents who track his every movement because the government wants to keep his research into navel lint from mainstream America.

Freaknoid told the people in the van that he would save the government further surveillance expenses and the trouble of a covert set up and subsequent trial on false charges leading to his eventual incarceration or imprisonment. Freaknoid would do this by voluntarily going to jail if certain of his demands were met. Those demands being:

1) The jail sentence would be carried out in the prison where the 1985 documentary "Canned Heat in Macon County Jail" was recorded. Freaknoid recently learned of this women's prison due to a sale of used videos at "Hanks Video Rental and Veterinary Clinic".

2) Any future movies based upon Freaknoid's experiences as the sole male inmate would star Freaknoid himself instead of some pale imitator like Tom Cruise who Freaknoid does not like since his second wife made him wear the Tom Cruise mask during their, how do we put this delicately - infrequent attempts at the horizontal Mambo.

3) Freaknoid would have the right to edit any misinformation that may come from his stay in the jail and inadvertently make it into the script. Particularly references to the size of certain body parts belonging to Freaknoid. Freaknoid would of course make sure that the proper references are inserted such as, "Oh baby it's been sooooo long for me since I've been in prison all these years that I can't remember if they are all that big!"

As in all Freaknoid's dealing with the government they once again would not admit to their underhanded plans. They insisted that they were not government agents, but instead a family from Cleveland visiting their grandmother. Then they called for back up on a two way radio cleverly disguised as a cell phone. It was pathetic how far they had gone to make their game look plausible by actually involving young children as passengers in the van, and having an old lady come out of the house and ask as to what the commotion was.

When the local police (puppets of the federal agents) showed up, Freaknoid was taken into custody. The government did not miss the opportunity to punish Freaknoid in an ironic way by making him spend the night in a cell with seven other men. Freaknoid of course knew some of these men were plants that were trying to learn more about Freaknoid's movie idea.

Freaknoid now expects to see this movie released any time. Freaknoid is sure that the government has sold the rights to a big movie studio and they will put Tom Cruise in the staring role.