Book
Proposal
Dear Book
Editor:
It was
nice to meet you the other day at the massage parlor. Here is
my book proposal uploaded to this internet site for you to read…
I can
finish this into a full-length book or a move script in just a
few days or weeks, if you will send me enough money to quit my
assistant manager’s job at Burger King and devote my full
efforts in this direction.
Evening
Tide
Chapter
1 – The cold and rainy night.
It was
a cold and rainy night, the street light shown through the leaves
of the thicket in which Freaknoid was crouched making strange shadows
all around him. Freaknoid could hear the sound of a train whistle in
the distance. His dog raised his nose into the air and began a
low moan that only dogs can make when you are alone with them
in a thicket at night as the street light shines down making strange
shadows and a train whistles in the distance.
The dog’s
moan reminded Freaknoid of his girlfriend. He could not afford to think
of her now. He determined to himself to put her out of his mind,
which meant that he was doomed to think about her.
The binoculars
were in his hands. They felt right there, like they were a part
of him, maybe the best part of him. Finally the light was on in
the windows of the bedroom so he raised them to his eyes (the
binoculars, not the window). Unfortunately the shades were drawn
again so he would see nothing tonight. Another disappointing evening,
and after so much effort in so many thickets night after night
all over town.
Freaknoid sensed
he was going to have to move to a new town or find a new hobby.
Maybe he could spend more time with this girlfriend. But women
come to expect things like that to continue once you begin them,
and so it is sometimes best to never start and build their expectations.
No – he would just leave her alone all the time. Besides,
only Freaknoid knew that she was his girlfriend, so to spend time with
her might ruin the arrangement – or worse – could result
in outright rejection for Freaknoid if he tired to meet her. The smart
thing to do, therefore, was to have her as his girlfriend without
ever speaking to her. What they would miss in intimacy would be
made up for in longevity.
Besides,
talking to her, this strange creature of youth and beauty, would
likely upset his wife.
As he
moved from the thicket he heard a noise. It was a rustling kind
of noise. A rather low muted noise one would hear as leaves rustle
as someone walks through them or the sound that one makes when
exiting a thicket. Suddenly Freaknoid realized it was him making that
noise as he was leaving the thicket. He tried to stop, but it
was too late. The shades were up and she was looking out the window
at him. He was caught.
The binoculars
no longer felt like a part of him, the best part of him. Somehow,
they felt cursed, nasty, dirty, which endeared them all the more
to him.
Dear Editor:
What will
happen to our hero? Will he get caught? Will he ever tell his
wife about his girlfriend? Will he ever tell his girlfriend about
his girlfriend? Why did the dog’s moan remind him of his
girlfriend?
As you
can see this will be a big hit among several demographics. First
you have women who like romantic stuff like moonlight and someone
standing outside their window. And then you will have the peeping
Toms, and dog lovers, gosh everyone nearly.
Please
send me money so that I can complete this new American classic.
Your friend,
Freaknoid
