The Big Screen T V - Part 1

We own a TV. It is a big screen TV. We purchased it 10 minutes before flat screen TV’s came out. Ten minutes after we walked out of the store, they came in with a big trash crusher and crushed all the TV’s like the one we purchased and took them to the dump. Then they wheeled in the flat screens and put them on display.

We could start a service. It would be where people could watch what we buy and then buy something else. For example we have a Beta-Max in the basement. We were told it would win the race with the inferior VHS format in video tape. Ten minutes after we walked out of the store they threw all the Beta machines in the dumpster.

VHS then ruled the world.

We were also convinced that the “8-track” was far superior to the “cassette” tape. We recall that the tape speed was faster, you didn’t have to switch the thing around half way through the album, etc. Ten minutes after we left the store they chucked the 8-track machines out the back door.

The electronic salespeople are entertained by us. They have two way mirror and video cams on us. They laugh hysterically while some velvet tongued nerd talks about amps, power. They make up terms: wave flux capacitors, power inversion units, 1080 dpi, the “69 position”, and other stuff that they say just to entertain themselves and their friends in the back room.

We bought a “surround sound” audio system to go with our “big screen TV”. It had a “sub-woofer”. The sub woofer makes a big “POP” sound when there is a sharp sound on the TV. Like when there is an explosion in a movie or when the American’s drop a big ass bomb on the Germans.

We went back to the store where we bought the thing. We found a nice male, sales person to help us with our complaint. After hearing our grievance he said, “Who did you buy this from?” We told him the lady’s name. Then he said… he really said this… “You bought sound equipment from a woman? Well… there you go!”

The explanation for the failure of the equipment was that we had purchased it from a lady! Of course the lady and her male friends had us on the video feed and were laughing their asses off in the back room where they were swilling down coffee and eating “bear claws”.

To be continued…