Rock Hard Abs

We (we meaning me) don’t like to see little kids cry. It makes us sad. It is even more upsetting when we (we meaning me) are semi-responsible for making them cry. However the entire "McKinney Family Incident" has been blown out of proportion and some of the associated rumors need to be reined in.

There is also the issue of the level of sensibility of some children. As you know some children get upset at about anything which is likely the case related to this "incident". The children that Bruce McKinney and his wife are raising are seemingly very sensitive, although Bruce's wife disputes this point.

The incident arose because of a discussion which centered upon “rock hard abs”. There are lots of commercials on TV about how to get “rock hard abs”. Apparently “rock hard abs” are a chick magnet. We certainly could use a chick magnet what with the balk head and all.

The problem of showing off your abs at the local bar, or at work, or at the grocery store, so that chicks can see them is something that didn’t consider at the time of the "Incident" because we had been drinking tequila and our thinking mechanisms were not working as designed.

Bruce said that the key to “rock hard abs” was not necessarily doing sit ups and “ab crunches”, although these things likely don’t hurt. He said that, if you notice, all of the people with “rock hard abs” also do not have any hair. Their entire torso is hairless. This is the key. “Rock hard abs” cannot be seen through hair. It is a fact. It is a fact supported by observation.

Indisputable.

So we decided on that Saturday, tequila afternoon to shave our chests and stomachs to see if we had (and at the time we were sure we did) “rock hard abs”. We decided that you can’t just shave the area where your “rock hard abs” are hiding because that would look weird. You have to shave all that hair in front.

And, we decided that we should not be in the restroom together shaving, which is the normal place one might shave, but being in there together would feel; well it would feel, odd. So we got shaving cream and razors out on the deck. There was a kiddy pool full of water so that is what we used.

As we shaved we decided that the shaving cream floating on the water looked like little ice bergs. We were trying to decide what the hair floating there looked like in our pretend little ice world. We were having fun.

Then we were interrupted…

… Bruce’s wife and kids came home from shopping. I am not sure why.... Maybe it was the hair and the shaving cream, ice bergs in their pool? Maybe it was the site of their dad and me with a beer in one hand and a razor in the other with hair and shaving cream everywhere. Maybe it was Bruce’s wife yelling and waving her arms and calling me “a-hole” …again ... but Bruce's little kids started crying.

I tried to console them but it only seemed to make matters worse as hair and shaving cream are easily transferable to others when you touch them.

But the rumor that I was shaving his hair when the kids came around the corner has to be stopped.